back to square one

i'm feeling under the weather yet again ... for almost 3 weeks now ... it all started with some swollen lymph nodes on the left side of my neck ... it triggered on-and-off shooting pains ... the pains don't last long ... but they were painful enough to make me stop and wince every time ....

i decided to go back to my endocrinologist ... i was subjected to several blood tests - to check for any infection and to check my tsh levels as well ... it was funny because i first complained about painful and swollen lymph nodes as early as september - to two different doctors ... i was never told to have any blood test ... i felt a sigh of relief when everything came back normal ... my endocrinologist told me that it might just be a viral infection ... so i have to sort of, ride it out since there's really no medicine for it ... but he also decided to give me some anti-inflammatory drugs ...

and then early last week, my chest pains came back .... and i have a mass somewhere in my chest ... not knowing what kind of doctor to see, i decided to go to a general practitioner last friday ... i was looking for some medical explanation and maybe, some ounce of comfort ... but what i got instead was a lecture - on my inability to speak great Chinese .... i was scolded in Chinese ... but i understood ... i was told that this country is not US and it's not the Philippines ... that when he goes to the Philippines, he's kinda expected to learn the language ... i told him - "no, because in the Philippines, we can speak english" ...

but i'm digressing ...

the "lecturer" made me take an EKG ... everything normal ... i showed him the mass ... i was referred to a surgeon ... when i walked out of the GP's office, i vowed never to consult that him again ...

and so, the search for an answer continues with a surgeon appointment tomorrow ...

until yesterday, i was borderding on hopelessness, depression, frustration and anger ... this is one heck of a roller-coaster ride - and i'm definitely not enjoying it ... but earlier today, while walking around the park, i decided to gain a new perspective ... and thankfully, i did ... it was more of acceptance ... i'll do my best to find out if there's anything wrong ... if i really can't, then that's that.